I'm eating all of the evidence.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
