She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
