im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
