it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
