i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think my mom watched the whole time
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
