Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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