I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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