im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
