I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
there is puke in my bra ... again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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