Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize