we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
