John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
