party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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