1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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