I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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