i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize