I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
