A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
