Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
