just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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