You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The struggles of a small town man whore
My bed smells like the plague
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
