but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we made out on top of his cat.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
