All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
