Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
