He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
