I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just googled if crying burns calories
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
