Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
