I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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