break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
