Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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