And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
