i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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