You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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