p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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