Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell her she can't have a vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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