Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
