i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
