Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize