why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
