i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
