That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
