pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize