just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
