Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
