Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
