he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
