I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
