clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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