For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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