No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
