I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
