if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So vagazzling was a success
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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