I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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