She is in my trunk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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