3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
