someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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