o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
whose parrot is this?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
