Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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