Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize