Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
