Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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