I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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