my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
