I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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