You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
