I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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