party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I am morally bankrupt
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
