we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Life is so much better after having sex.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
