dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
