His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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