They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
