don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
