I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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