Even my vagina gasped.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
