rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
