Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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