Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
