Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
