You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
