I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
