On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
