6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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