I think im going to throw up on grandma
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
