youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
