nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
