at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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