He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize