you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
