I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i dont even know how to be here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
