Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
