Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
