I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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