I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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