well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
