You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
