Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
