Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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