Duck Duck Cougar?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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