Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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